Oh yeah, changing course is hard and this scares us so we look around and try to copy the courses other people took. But this never works out well because the sea conditions are always changing and yesterday’s calm waters are today’s icebergs and one man’s heaven is another man’s hell and yada yada yada.
But life transitions, even when good, are always difficult, and they are always slow and gradual. There have been times where I have felt lost, like I was no longer the same person I once was, but also unsure of the person I was becoming. There have been times where I felt conflicted and confused, where I mourned for a past self that I knew I would never see again while anxiously awaiting a future self who seemingly would never come. Old habits, both good and bad, have fallen by the wayside while I’ve picked up both good and bad habits to fill their space.
This is my steamship, slowly, mechanically turning itself, veering onto a new horizon, an unfamiliar yet calming trajectory.
And this is life. This is part of the bargain. The universe says, “Hey, guess what? You get to exist!” And we say, “Holy shit! That’s great!” not realizing that existence is, by definition, a merciless and unending foray into the unknown.
It would be easy for me to say, “I want the answer NOW! I want to know what my life will be like NOW! I want to know what I should do, how I should feel NOW!” But I’ve lived long enough and fucked up enough to know that that doesn’t help things. If anything, it just makes it worse.
In the meantime, I keep trying new things and accepting however I feel about them, both good or bad, all while trusting that one day I will arrive in new sunny waters that I will love just as I loved the ones before.
A good life is not a life without problems. A good life is a life with good problems. And so it’s despite the turbulence of the rocky waves and twisting tides, I can sometimes stare into the heart of my confusion and the crossed strains of joy and sadness, and smile and be grateful that it’s all there.
Thanks brow for sharing this with me 😉
Perspective to life