I always went on the idea that as long as the ones that have built the foundations of your childhood still live, you will always can go back to that time, to them and relive it, you will always have that childhood living within you…

But when those people are gone, I one believe that the bridge between you and the essence to your childhood collapses and you are forced to recognize that you have grown up, and the teachings passed to you by those that have passed away must now take effect to keep you straight and focused on you being happy…it is somehow of a paradox I think, and that is because when I got the news that my grandmother from my mother side….passed away….something also died in me, still I can not believe it is true and I certainly do not comprehend what has actually happened yet….but in time it will sink in.

And yes it is a paradox, it is a paradox because keeping focused on your happiness while those that thought you how and where to find it have passed, is terrifying for me…but still I know that keeping those lessons alive in me acting on them and letting them drive me, I keep a part of those persons with me everywhere, anywhere, always…how and why I can not explain.

It will be hard for me for a while, I’ll probably keep hidden and rethink some things, but a word of advice, make every action count and start enjoying even rainy days, even dark times have their role in this life, stay focused and always keep what makes you smile, never what pulls you down and if you lose be wise and do not lose the lesson stay strong, keep strong remember those that matter and forget those that do not and as a guitarist would say “Forever trust in who we are…”.

Gonna miss you grandma…much respect and honor….thank you for everything.

This year is crumbling to it’s end at last…it has been fun, it has been torture, and so much more educational….maybe….probably, but never the less it has been a huge turn around for me.

This one really drove me so close to my braking point, that I honestly thought I would crumble down and retreat or worse, give up. Some things were lost, some friends now are gone, something I regret, but despite this, many things were gained, learned and achieved in such a manner that they are carved in my mind and heart.

Till this year I was simply just testing the ground underneath me, searching the steadiest part to step on in order to reach that which I really longed for, to better understand what really drives me and gives me the need to evolve, to learn more, to do something that will stand strong in the face of time and dumb-ass criticism…to be me, to be my purest form, my emotionally weird creative self (thank you Alina Bucur for teaching me that).

This year has thought me a lot…thought me what the price of freedom is, what you can gain alone and what you can not, how high one can extend his mind and how deep can one fall in his own uncleaned clutter without even wanting. How deep some things go and how much some words weigh…

Some things have been amazing, but with a necessary end in order for other to replace them and push me harder to achieve what I wanted. As always, summer to me has always had a huge impact, throwing me in situations that I would not expect or predict or be prepared for…..but this summer has been, without sounding to drastic, life changing…this summer has showed me that one can change his hardheaded concepts and regain his soul and start using his feelings…I fell in love! (yeah I said it).

I fell in love with someone that I still believe is pulled out of an amazing story…someone who has showed me that I can stop being a prick and start living my life the way I dreamed it. Thank you baby!

Also this year in October I finally launched my Freaking Portfolio and redesigned this blog, and for this again I want to thank my sweet girlfriend for putting up with me, I can be difficult probably…

Beside all of these, I would really like to thank all those who opened their door to me when I didn’t have where to crash…I will be forever in your debt guys…

And yeah I moved in with my girlfriend, or she moved in with me, who cares we’re staying together and that is that…

With all these said I wish you wisdom in life charging choices and have your fun, have your fun without that society imposed mask, be true to your self, be free!

This is by far one of the most amazing videos I’ve seen since I’ve started surfing the web…amazing!

Ok…this is a really really really touchy subject for me right now. Why must you or I ask, well because I’ve did it in the past  - more like experimented with it and had grate success and tremendous feedback for it but never really got deeper into it.

I wouldn’t have written this article if not for the www.eveonline.com website which I visit sometimes to see their progress (really like the game but my time is so limited I can not play it properly).

The problem now is (yeah there’s a freaking problem that is why I’m writing about it) that I’ve been stumbling more and more over amazing 3D artists that simply shock my eyes with what they can do and by admiring their work it reminds me that “Hey jackass, you could probably do better…”,  maybe I can or maybe I can not, but two things are for certain, one: I’ve got the tools and two: I kinda got that sci-fi creepy and robotic oriented (with some infusion of organic forms) imagination.

Now all I need is the time and the patience to start this again and hope to continue doing…sounds easy right, well it ain’t, it ain’t cause for the last 3-4 years I’ve got into web technologies and interface design which all the time must be made with some rules in mind, those rules overruled my perception of 3D creation/sense thus diminishing the freedom of my imagination to go far and wide with shapes and colors and concepts and so on….

With my recent craving for drawing (that has came back at last) I do hope the take down or learn to control those bounding rules of business design and let lose my hunger for whitepaper/pencil, digital canvas and 3D space so that I can get back on track.

And so sorry if I’m rushing into this but it’s December so happy holidays people!

And yes it is online after many long long nights of non-sleep I’ve finished it, my own little brain child, my portfolio. Build with some awesome new tools and technologies I am so proud of it…and releaved that I’ve decided on this design.

Beside this launch, I can really say that I am happy that this happened, the posting of my website, right from my own personal home. My warm huge studiou apartment in which I am living with my smartass and beautiful girlfriend which I dearly love and much appreciate her pacience with me.

I really do hope that I will kick ass with this one!